Do it for your own reasons

 

I am sitting in the room and checking the pictures of an island on internet. I will be there in a little bit more than two weeks. I have a job, place to live and one way flight ticket. I decided to move for a while and to deal with the stuff I feel I need to.  I have no idea what is waiting for me or what I will do after, but I am excited to know.

The mind to travel, to change, to understand, to learn something I have no idea what was deep inside me for a long time. I don’t know what I am looking for, but I know for sure I will never understand without trying.  And it took me too long to decide. Stuck in office and daily routine made me feel that I am not living this live. That I just exist for survival. And the most painful part was that people who love me don’t push me to change anything.  Or maybe I was just too scared to hear that. However, I have reached the limit.

I think not everybody even from my close environment understands me. But I listened to others too long. Everybody wants what the best for them. So do I.

At work they tell you who you have to be and how you have to behave to make your heads happy. You are trying to be a part of it, but in the end you understand that you are just a measure to implement someone’s dream. At least I felt that since I was not in my sleigh. I don’t know if I will be, if I ever find what I am looking for, but it’s worth to try.

Anything we do we have to do it for our own reasons. We are so selfish. Too selfish. Even the closest family members are selfish. They stop us not because they don’t want what is the best for us. They want us close to them.

My good friend’s brother moved to Australia permanently. I asked his mom is she is ok with that. I will always remember her words:

“Better to know he is happy somewhere than to have him here and see him suffering”.

We can only learn from our own mistakes. Never stop. Always support.