What would you do if you knew it’s only one month left to live? Time goes so fast. Too fast. Maybe today is my last day. Or tomorrow. I don’t know. Nobody knows. But even If I was sure it is like that I would not quit my job, take a loan and just wait for my last day to come spending money. I love my life. I just love it. It’s so strange to feel that you are living. I swear mine and yours God it was no difference for me if I just go to work and the car will hit me. Only excising. Even I had a good job and lovely people around me.
I am dealing with myself still of course. Some things makes me crazy, upset or angry, sometimes I feel lonely and lost, but in the end of the day I enjoy everything I have. And also I am scared. Scared so much this will end. This period of my life which I don’t want to call holidays. Even I have no plan for the future, definitely I know I don’t want to live in my country. I love even the foreigner status.
I try to understand people who are angry on me. That I don’t want to come back, that I am not calling too often or even not missed too much. I really try and I feel sorry, but this is who I am, this is what I feel. Why I have to explain myself? Why I have to feel bad about my feelings? In my 26 years of living I understood that I like loneliness. Like lonely cat who always likes to go by itself. Its good or bad – you don’t have the right to judge.
Last week was special for me since my friend came to visit me. I love to party, yeah. And yeah, I’m in Agia Napa! And most of it I love my friends. I had an amazing time, laughing from nothing, doing anything, getting so so tired and ups… wasted ))) The parties here are the best, but it’s only the best if you are with the right company. Actually I never care about the places to go. I mean cafes, restaurants etc., cause if you enjoy the company, you will enjoy it on the beach with a bottle of campaigns and a towel to lie. Of course not day time.
Always I am asking what is the worst can happen. And it’s nothing I can change. I mean if you will loose something you don’t need, you will not be upset. The right time not exist. And even if you have more than only one life, you will not remember it. So don’t blame nobody and enjoy it!
P.S. one my friend is upset with me right now because I said I didn’t miss what I left. I just want to say of course I miss you. And if you know me you know I value people more than anything. I am terrible at expressing my feelings, but my heart is big and white. Definitely )) !!!